D-Day

I did it. It may ruin my life forever. Or just my secondary school life. I can't believe I did it. Crap, here I come. With the click of a button, I set things in motion. It's a ticking clock, I'm going to loose most of my close friends and most of the people that talk to me.

I'm going to lose laughter, enjoyment, immaturity.Fuck.

How and Why?

How do you know your making the right decision? When we were younger our parents told us to do the right thing...but how do we be certain which path is correct?Lines that were previously clear cut now blur, each side much the same as the other. If they both have rivers to cross and hurdles to jump, how do we know which path will spit us out alive at the other end. How do we know we haven't chosen the wrong path, taking us away from our true destination. How do you struggle, needing to know which decision was right, when both end in tears, loss and permanent change. When both result in grief and hardship, which one does one choose. When the bridge behind you collapses and you must choose one way forward, where do you go?

Surely when you make a truly right decision, you shouldn't have major regrets? Every decision I have made is haunted with regrets and curiosity. "What if..." What if I had taken other decisions, where would I be now! Would I have any regrets? The older I get, the more I regret. Surely decisions shouldn't be this hard. And then it hits me...

Maybe the decisions aren't meant to be this hard, but maybe I made all the wrong ones...

How can a single human be this useless and depressing?
How can you be so worthless?
Why am I invisible?
Why is it my fault?
Why do I keep saying sorry?
Why am I not good enough for anyone?

Everything is always me