This Is The Story Of A Girl

Hello Blog-o-sphere,missed me much? Nah, doubt it...:P



Okay so let us get down to buissness. I have a story. I story I need to tell. It makes up a lot of me and yet, very few people know the full of it... I totally understand if you don't want to read it, because it's going to be a long, depressing post. I was inspired to do this when I read a very deep post on the blog "confessions of a teenage blogger". So here goes...This is my story...


Rewind three and a half years, to when I was eleven, in fifth class. Although I live just outside a town, my mam didn't want me to go to the school in town, so she sent me to a school five minutes down the road,a country school.In fifth class there were four girls in my class and two in sixth of whom we were friends with. My best friend was, well we'll call her B, in the same class as me. We had been best friends since senior infants, first class? Anyway the other two girls in our class were best friends too, and by some quirk, aunt and niece aswell. Anyway you get the picture, the two in sixth class were BFs also. Life was great, we laughed, we had fun, we gossiped, we played...until the year that changed everything.


At the start of fifth, we started hanging out with the two sixth class girls. They decided that it would be much cooler to go around at break in two separate groups, one sixth , two fifth. One of each BFF in each group. I was too stupid and gullible to refuse it. I was in the weaker of the two groups. It started that the other group would come and drag the girl from 6th class in our group off and me and one of the "twins"(two girls that were related) would be left by ourselves. I never got on as well with this girl as I did with any of the others in my class and she hated me, so it never really went down well. We would just stalk around complaining about what was going on, sometimes her BFF being left with us and me totally on the outside.




It didn't take long for B and me to grow apart. She still pretended to be my friend, even though we knew in their seccluded little group they were talking about us. You see, I was the natural outsider anyway. All these girls lived within walking distance of eachother. Their parents were all friends, went to mass, were all involved in the community things. I was the girl from near the town, more involved with that community.I was uncool, the biggest weirdo ever because I was smart, even though B was too, and done some of the sixth class work with them in fifth class. They hated me for that, I couldn't help what I was made to do, and they hated me. I was the girl who wouldn't swear or break the rules. I was the fat one, the ugly one. I was the weirdo.




Eventually the other girl an our group was getting dragged off too. I was alone. They'd make snide jokes and if I said the wrong thing, wouldn't come near me. Some how the boys even sensed this freeze out. I was never popular with them but a few of them started calling me fat, one of the boys in my class continously calling me a heffer (a female cow). I was at my lowest. I was so sad and depressed the whole time, and thought some pretty dark things, but I don't want to go back there. My "best friends" were bitches (who's not too goody-goody to swear now!). I suffered in silence. I thought it would pass. We all done a drama project together, and they all laughed at me because I got a boy's part. It was the lead role and I didn't care, I was discovering my love for drama. After the show, the girl heading the project asked me to come and join her big drama classes. I was extatic, she didn't ask any of the others though. I was stupid enough to tell them and they wouldn't speak to me, so I never went out of guilt. That is one of my biggest regrets. I loved being on stage, it made me feel alive.



They got worse and worse to me, snarky comments aloud and to my face. B even stole my watch one day and wouldn't give it back. We fought (phsically) and our principal (and teacher)stood infront of us, ignorant to her pulling my hair so hard my head was near the tarmac. They told me I was usless in football and camogie matches and insisted I stole one of the girl's pens,when I didn't. I went through hell on a daily basis, and I told no one; no one cared. The stupid teachers didn't notice me crying alone in the schoolyard. They didn't care because they were all part of the area community clique, and I wasn't...



One day I found strength. I refused to go to school and I told mam the fundamentals (not the whole story, obviously). I felt too vunerable to spill everything. I couldn't stand that feeling. Mam went up to the school and talked to the principal. He told her it would be dealt with and that another girl was having the same problem. It was one of "the twins", the nicer one. Nothing was done and life stayed the same. One Friday I got up and said I wasn't going in, and that was it, mam moved me. She was sending me to the school in town. It was finally over. I made friends. I was happy. It had been so long I forgot what happy was.



I go to secondary school with those girls now, and I see them every day. They don't bother me now, but will still hold a secret hate for eachother. They are now the popular ones in our year, but i don't strife for popularity, because in this town it equates with people who get pregnant young, have children by many different fathers and aspire to nothing. I mean these girls have decent families, but they're going out with the likes. And don't get me wrong, not a lot of people in the town are like as described or the school isn't dodgey, it's just the small minority of these in our year are popular. These girls (well the ones in my year, not the ones in the year above) don't care about their grades, reports, reputations, honours classes, detention etc. Their parents probably don't have a clue. B's mum thought we were still best friends and didn't know why I moved school. I think it's upsetting, because I know B is very intelligent and she doesn't care.



I'm a different person though now because of it. I'm in no way vunerable, I can't let myself. so people think I'm hard or threatning.I built a wall around me for protection, and now I don't know how to get out. Some people won't disagree with me because they're scared of me and I hate it. I can't tell them why, but I'm working on it. I had to tell this, because I need someone to understand. I'm not a bitch all the time, and I'm not self centered.


So for people being bullied, don't suffer in silence. There's a way out, even if it seems a long road.


But............................................Sometimes I can't help but wonder, where I would be if I had have stuck it out? Would I be where I am now? Would I be popular? Would it have ended? The girl who supposedly had trouble aswell is still friends with them and happy. Would it have been the same for me?

LadyBug