Out with the old? I'm not quite sure...

Everything has changed. Yet so much is the same. I have lost almost all my closest friends. But you don't want to hear about my dramatic, depressing life, do you now?Sadly it's all I have to talk about...I am just in a complete mood for change. I threw away half of my wardrobe today... am making plans to re-decorate my bedroom. I need a new hairstyle, I'm getting it cut, I'm going to loose weight..........I don't know why I'm doing it, it's not going to magically make me happy again....... It's not going to give me friends who accept me for who I am...... It just seems fitting though...... I don't know how I will survive in September, but alas thats life...





...but I don't know if my mood for change means bye-bye to this blog...


There's no point posting anymore, because I don't post about anything remotely interesting these days, there's no point and no one is reading anyway....

I havn't decided what I'm doing, but don't be surprised if this blog disappears... then again, I could be back....

D-Day

I did it. It may ruin my life forever. Or just my secondary school life. I can't believe I did it. Crap, here I come. With the click of a button, I set things in motion. It's a ticking clock, I'm going to loose most of my close friends and most of the people that talk to me.

I'm going to lose laughter, enjoyment, immaturity.Fuck.

welcome to my life, warning: dramatic

Okay, once again (jes, I sound like a broken record) I'm sorry for the lack of posting. I've decided to go with the flow with the whole blogging thing and will post when I feel like it, so ignore me if I don't post for weeks at a time and then do loads together! To be honest there has been nothing to post about and have been feeling to lazy to do one on books or music or general topics indetail.

Really though this is getting beyond a joke.... My so called friend, the Mad One, is still not talking to me for no fucking reason, and I swear its like having a break-up, times ten! (Well, I suppose I am in no position to imagine a breakup, having never had a proper boyfriend.)But anyhow.... It really hurts, my already teenage moodswings are even more noticably fluxuating between really sad (I will NOT use the word depressed, as i believe it to be over used out of context and therefore has lost its meaning) and pure anger. How could she do it to me? I have tried so many times to ring her or text her or mail her, but she wont answer or respond. It has been a full month since she has ceased to acknowledge any words that I speak to her. I have asked the other girls have I upset or offended her in anyway or has she decided she doesn't want to be friends with me, but they are as clueless as I am, accept the BFF who insists on telling me the Mad One is talking to me. I think she knows why. I have asked her, but she just wont tell me and denys everything.

I am so sick of this bitchy shit. I'm so fucking sick of teenage girls!

Seriously, we're Bitches....

hey guys!

Hey guys, finally returned to blogger! Sorry for the absence, there was just nothing to post about. Trust me, you would not have wanted to hear my boring, mundane ramblings. Well anyhow, I'm back, I' bad, and I'm web-wide baby!;) Sorry to all the peoples' blogs I follow, I haven't read them in my absence, but am planning a long catch up after this post.

Anyway I have read a couple of really good books lately, and plan to give some in depth detail to those, the ones I didn't like also. OMG ECLIPSE MOVIE!Did you all see it!? What can I say, the films will never measure up to the books, but definately the best film so far. Kristen really came over as Bella, much better than in the previous two movies, which I didn't like her in. She had the attitude and the emotional portrayal of Bella's feelings toward Edward and Jacobwithout being like a lovesick puppy. And the wolf pack!:O Hott! But I'm not here to talk about them, I'm neutral, like Switzerland!

I'm also looking for a new layout, but I can't get one that's just right! Any names of websites with good layouts would be appreciated!!

Best go, lots to do!

LadyBug x

Quote

(in relation to glee)

‘It’s like High School Musical, written by evil people’
Ryan Murphy, Creator/writer of Glee

Ask the internet

Just spent the past 2 hours doing quizzes on the internet. Apparently I could have OCD, an anxiety disorder, Bipolar disorder, ADD and many more

Funny part is, most of the symptoms match that of being a hormonal teenager. ah, the joys :L:L:L:P:P

Hmm... maybe I am crazy:L:P

Ah, The Joys...

I am severely pissed off, and I don't want any sympathy, I just need to vent!! I am being totally blanked by The Mad One. She just stops talking to me for no reason...Ugh! And I swear I didn't do a thing! Not intentionally anyway. Even The BFF says I didn't do anything wrong and, heck, she is as close to The Mad One as she is to me, if not closer in some respects (although she would call me her closest friend and share things with me she never told anyone else).

To say she has stopped talking to me is actually untrue, I wish she had. Some words cut like a knife... Trying to have a conversation with her was like trying to draw blood from a fucking stone.
Me:Heya, howr you?
Mad One:I dont kno...
Me:Awh, why don't you know?!:P:P (thinking she was messing)
Mad One:I just dont.
Me: any news?
Mad One:no wbu?
Me: same, I'm pretty bored...
Mad One: well Im not
These are messages from the most cheerful person I know:/... This is when I figured something was up... and its just me she's like this with, no one else... She's all happy cheery and mad... More was said between us than this single conversation, but that doesn't need to be said. Also A certain comment on a picture spoke a thousand words, a picture of the BFF, The Mad One and The One Who keeps us Sane. It read "BFFs For life, just the three of us, No one else, we will take on anything."

I'm so fucking pissed off..... I can't even explain the full situation here... just GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR
One of my closest friends...
Absolutely sickened

Uninspired...bored...thinking...bitter...down...lazy....

Sorry for the absense of blogging.... I'm not going to make up any excuse, I was just to lazy to. Completely uninspired. Summer boredom blues.....

My Room

Hello again, inhabitants of the blogosphere! I just wanna say thanks for all the nice comments and words of wisdom on the last post, I was having a serious ponder on life and needed to express myself, and hey, whats my blog for?

Anyway, I'm sitting here in my empty feeling room. Your probably right about now wondering "Wtf?", but I took all my posters down of my walls. Yes, dare I say it, I think it's time for a bit of redecorating. I need to touch up the white paint anyway, so I've decided I want to have my room all nice by the end of the summer. But I really need help. What am I going to do with it. It is currently painted a rotten shade of pink (which I thought would turn out to be a really hot pink, but no, it looks like barbie threw up in here) on two opposite walls and white on the other two. Not a good look! I want my room to not look really childish, but i'm a bit caught. I have all my duvet covers and cushions for my current colour scheme on pink and white, with a bit of orange thrown in here and there. And some of them were kinda expensive and we only moved into this house two years ago, and i took me ages to do my room, so all my stuff is relatively new. so i'm thinking I might just go for the proper hot, hot pink paint I wanted and keep the same. Oh I'm so confused! Any help, suggestions or advice on the matter would be greatly appreciated!

How and Why?

How do you know your making the right decision? When we were younger our parents told us to do the right thing...but how do we be certain which path is correct?Lines that were previously clear cut now blur, each side much the same as the other. If they both have rivers to cross and hurdles to jump, how do we know which path will spit us out alive at the other end. How do we know we haven't chosen the wrong path, taking us away from our true destination. How do you struggle, needing to know which decision was right, when both end in tears, loss and permanent change. When both result in grief and hardship, which one does one choose. When the bridge behind you collapses and you must choose one way forward, where do you go?

Surely when you make a truly right decision, you shouldn't have major regrets? Every decision I have made is haunted with regrets and curiosity. "What if..." What if I had taken other decisions, where would I be now! Would I have any regrets? The older I get, the more I regret. Surely decisions shouldn't be this hard. And then it hits me...

Maybe the decisions aren't meant to be this hard, but maybe I made all the wrong ones...

How can a single human be this useless and depressing?
How can you be so worthless?
Why am I invisible?
Why is it my fault?
Why do I keep saying sorry?
Why am I not good enough for anyone?

Everything is always me

Oh, don't ask me difficult questions like what I want to name my blog post at this early hour of the morning when I'm pissed off!

Well hello, long time no see! I must apologise for my absense from blogging this past week, I was in the ghaeltacht. *Yes, shortest stay EVER in the wilds of the Irish countryside, but I shall explain further down.* So no, I'm not M.I.A., While I was frantically running aroung the house last sunday packing, my computer refused to oblige me and work for the five minutes I needed it! Typical!

Anyhow, I have returned from the 'Big G' (as "The BFF" christened it) early because I was/am sick. So I'm kind of dissappointed now.......*depressed face*I mean it wasn't like it was amazing or anything, but I just think we didn't pick well when going there, as it was very weather depending in regards to water sports. I have this horrible nagging feeling at me now because of the fees that were paid, and I don't get the jumper I ordered now ( well even if my friends bring it home for me, where is the point in wearing when if someone asks I say that I was only there for a week. Shameful ) and I feel very unaccomplished!:( I was going to go back down today, but after talking to my friends on the phone lastnight, I decided what is the point. I've missed 4 days if I go back and they said they are so bored down there and want to come home. And i'm not better or anything, I've just improved since the day I came home. So there is virtually no point going back whem I'm still sick and everyone down there hates it...

Also, I got a sneaking feeling when I was on the phone lastnight to the BFF that I'm not wanted down there. After I said I was comming back, the conversation of plesanteries immediately dropped... I had a fight with her on the second day down there, but I thought that was resolved... Maybe not. I just feel so down right now, because I was looking forward to a great time in the Gaeltacht, telling everyone I was going and now I'm back and have to tell everyone that I'm back. I refuse to be seen in my town and have only gotten out of the car once; to go to the doctor. I feel like a big baby and everyone will laugh at me though.... I feel as if I'm not supposed to be here....Mam actually said no that she wouldn't bring me back down after I told her about the phone call with the BFF as I spent the entire time on the phone in tears to her the evening of the fight....

*sorry for the worst post ever, i just needed to let my feelings out...
Also, apologies for the poor writing, I'm too down to care...

ladybug